somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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