marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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