How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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