can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
