Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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