I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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