My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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