dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
