Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
