Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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