Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
