32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
