Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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