So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
