We named our party play list daddy issues
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
