did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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