doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
