Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
