We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
