Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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