I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As shirtless as possible
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
