i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
