Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
