i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
