So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize