Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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