Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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