somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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