he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my sisters under your porch take her home
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize