We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
