Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
