I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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