Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
