please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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