I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
