I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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