there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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