Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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