i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
