handjob tips. give me some.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
