If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
