me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
