I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
