Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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