Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
