the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
