I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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