I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We got so high we made milksteak
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
