So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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