I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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