So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
