cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
