I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
