tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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