She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
