Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
