Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
