We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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