I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
