you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
