he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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