I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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