God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
