I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
