i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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