the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
