she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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