i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
