ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
