In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
