I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
