we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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