dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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