someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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