i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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