right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
