Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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