dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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