i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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