you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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