I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
