I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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