He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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