There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize