Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
