dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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