Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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